LGBT History Month UK: Berta Freistadt Dies

LGBT History Month UK: Berta Freistadt Dies

Frogs & Fairies

“Now I know I said I’d go find her but, there’s a limit to how much a guy is prepared to go to; even if it does involve the love of my life.

I mean, how am I supposed to get her back anyway? She’s not going to look once, let alone twice, at a dumb servant when she’s being wined & dined by that moron. Yes, I can see the attraction what with the title an’ all, but, he’s still a plank.

Martin! Are you listening to me? Oh, wow you’ve gone a really funny colour. Christ, you ate one of those apples didn’t you? I told you not to eat or drink anything in this damn place. Majick Forest is a favourite haunt of that evil bitch, she planted those trees all over in the hope my little beauty would eat one some day.

Well, I don’t have time to wait, you’ll just have to sleep it off. I’ll leave a note for the others to pick you up on the way back. If they get back that is! God knows when it will be though; I told them they were flogging a dead horse as far as that woman was concerned. Believe me, I know a troll when I see one. And that was definitely a troll, even if she did look like the best thing since sliced bread. She reminded me of Aunt Martha, not quite right in the head.

God I wish this was a fairy tale! The good guy always gets the girl in a fairy tale; maybe I’ll get lucky & find a pot of gold before I find her. Or a frog… yeah frogs are good, if only you didn’t have to kiss them. Mind you, a good fairy would be better. I wouldn’t mind kissing a good fairy… after all “all’s fair in love & war” & I wouldn’t really mean it would I? It would only be a means to an end... wouldn’t it?”

“Ouch! That hurt,” James looked round blearily wondering what had happened… Glaring at him from the other side of the bed sat Jane, her fist raised for another onslaught.

“Whaaat happened? Why’d you hit me?” he wailed.

“Who the hell is Beauty? and what has your aunt Martha got to do with it? I knew I should have gone with you last time you visited her.”

For years now I've tried to stop smoking but, after trying all the usual methods & getting nowhere I finaly found something different that worked, I've now been smoke free since Feb 2009. Check out the link below, she tells the story better than I can.

Wisconsin Vaporizers Blog: Negative Reactions Mystify Electronic Cigarette Owners

Night Terrors

I was catapulted from sleep. For a moment, I couldn't understand what was happening to me. The thud I felt as I jerked into consciousness was something I've never experienced before. I tried to concentrate on the rail which ran round the ceiling. It was silver in color and its smooth curves disappeared into the dark recesses of the room. What it was doing there I didn't know or care, for the moment it was my life line. I counted the little upright poles screwed into the ceiling at intervals that held the rail in place. Memory flooded back and I realised the feeling was sheer terror. For those of you who have never experienced night terror be very grateful, for those who have, I sympathise.

As reality kicked in I lay there letting the knowledge wash over me. The only thing that kept me from screaming was to chant repeatedly 'you have breast cancer and you have to deal with it' 'falling apart will not help' I spent the rest of that night alternately dosing and repeating those phrases to myself. It was August 23rd the second night following surgery for breast cancer and one of the longest nights I've ever spent.

I never found a lump or got a call back from a routine mammogram. I just woke up one morning in July with a painful right breast. I mentioned it to my husband saying something like,

'I must have slept awkwardly last night my right boob really hurts this morning.'

Two days later the 12th of July I had an appointment with the practice nurse at my GP's surgery for my B12 shot, by then all I had was a dull ache and my nipple looked a little squashed. During a conversation about my general health, I mentioned the boob.

'Let's check it out' she said, 'just to be on the safe side.'

I don't remember what I was thinking as I stripped off my t-shirt and lay down on the examination couch but I'm sure I wasn't worried. She pressed and prodded for a while then said 'I think I'll just get the doctor to take a look. And so began a journey no woman wants to take, the past had been consumed, the future was incomprehensible, and the present was nothing but a series of tiny footsteps drawing me inexorably closer to a place I didn't want to be.

To be continued...

Check out these links they are very very important:

http://www.fightingforherceptin.org.uk/ Please go & sign the petition.

And this guy is doing great thing on the campaign front http://her2.modblog.com/

THE WAITING GAME

Survivors pain is never seen
while we play our waiting game.
It’s locked inside denied a voice
as it twists and turns and maims.

Two steps forward one step back
is how we play our waiting game.
Longing to walk in peace and love
with the fear and anger tamed.

The scars run deep the healings hard
when we play our waiting game.
We fight our battle from darkness to light
till the way ahead is plain.

We don’t need to forgive them
while we play our waiting game.
We just need some loving care
as we travel through our pain.

The wheels of time grind slowly
while we play our waiting game.
As fear dies, we learn to live our life
and gently find ourselves again.

Carol Wills Copyright © 1992

Posted in Loving Memory of my dear friend
Barbara Gooch who died August 8th 2005

Negative V Positive

You’ll have to excuse me but, I’ve been thinking about these two words for the past few weeks and the more I think the more confused I get.

Negative & positive can be no & yes, bad & good, wrong & right, refusal & acceptance. And if what you have just read, seems off or doesn’t sound quite right somehow, read it again and ask yourself what is wrong with the sentence. Yep, it sounds back to front. You want to read ‘yes & no, good & bad’ etc, don’t you?

That’s because we are constantly told to think positive thoughts, act in a positive manner, be positive about something or another. We are told, not to think negative thoughts because it’s bad for us. Not to be negative about situations and not to act in a negative way. And quite right too it is usually better to be positive.

So, you’d think the fact they are words meaning the exact opposite of each other would be clear cut wouldn’t you? Well, it’s not, not by any means. I think negative and positive can be very misleading in some circumstances.

If something is considered negative, we usually look at it as being bad; after all, we’ve been conditioned to think this way. A negative result can be bad when a scientist is testing a theory hoping to find a cure for some disease or other. And a negative result is not good if one trying to get pregnant. Then of course, there are also negative reactions, to ideas, people and things. We understand these definitions of negative as being correct.

However, when nothing is found to indicate the presence of disease, or a specific condition it can actually be a positive result in medical terms so, why is it called negative? A negative pregnancy test can also be a positive result of one is hoping not to be pregnant.

Negative can also mean failure to respond or the absence of a reaction. So, if one fails to respond when being goaded to fight, it could be considered positive. When one does not react to temptation, that’s positive.

Ah, but what about positive? Well, affirmation or acceptances from our peer’s backs up the positive feeling we have on things we do and say throughout our lives. We tend to get nice warm fuzzy feelings when we are positive we know the answer to the question. Or are positive we made the right decision.

So, you can’t really make a positive into a negative then can you? Well, yes you can, remember the medical results? A positive there, is usually a negative for the patient. And the positive pregnancy test, that’s actually a negative result for the one who doesn’t want to be pregnant. What about the acceptance of defeat, which can be very negative. Or when one is positive, they will fail to resist temptation?

It’s all too ambiguous for my liking!

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