Frogs & Fairies

“Now I know I said I’d go find her but, there’s a limit to how much a guy is prepared to go to; even if it does involve the love of my life.

I mean, how am I supposed to get her back anyway? She’s not going to look once, let alone twice, at a dumb servant when she’s being wined & dined by that moron. Yes, I can see the attraction what with the title an’ all, but, he’s still a plank.

Martin! Are you listening to me? Oh, wow you’ve gone a really funny colour. Christ, you ate one of those apples didn’t you? I told you not to eat or drink anything in this damn place. Majick Forest is a favourite haunt of that evil bitch, she planted those trees all over in the hope my little beauty would eat one some day.

Well, I don’t have time to wait, you’ll just have to sleep it off. I’ll leave a note for the others to pick you up on the way back. If they get back that is! God knows when it will be though; I told them they were flogging a dead horse as far as that woman was concerned. Believe me, I know a troll when I see one. And that was definitely a troll, even if she did look like the best thing since sliced bread. She reminded me of Aunt Martha, not quite right in the head.

God I wish this was a fairy tale! The good guy always gets the girl in a fairy tale; maybe I’ll get lucky & find a pot of gold before I find her. Or a frog… yeah frogs are good, if only you didn’t have to kiss them. Mind you, a good fairy would be better. I wouldn’t mind kissing a good fairy… after all “all’s fair in love & war” & I wouldn’t really mean it would I? It would only be a means to an end... wouldn’t it?”

“Ouch! That hurt,” James looked round blearily wondering what had happened… Glaring at him from the other side of the bed sat Jane, her fist raised for another onslaught.

“Whaaat happened? Why’d you hit me?” he wailed.

“Who the hell is Beauty? and what has your aunt Martha got to do with it? I knew I should have gone with you last time you visited her.”